I’m putting my big girl pants on even though I’d rather be in a bathing suit

Last week I experience a very roller coaster kind of day…

I was very motivated, happy, excited and on a roll for all the wonderful things that are and will continue to unfold in my life.

But then it just hit me… this wave of unbearing and painful sadness.

The silence became deafening, I wanted to cry but was too numb, I wanted to chug down a bottle of liquor, to reach for a pack of smokes and was just down right feeling like I was crazy. In the midst of this internal turmoil I caught a glimpse of sanity and had the coherent thought “after this amazing day, how on earth did I end up here!?”. Going from one extreme to the other at the snap of my fingers isn’t normal – not like that and definitely if nothing on the outside triggered it.

For the past year I’ve been tip toeing around the idea of seeing a psychologist to see if perhaps this will help identify whats going on. This requires digging through a lifetime of traumatic incidents and perhaps even of talking about things that I’ve never verbalized…

I know this is something that I’ll never truly be ready for, but if I don’t do it now I’m afraid certain patterns will keep popping up for the rest of my life and I wouldn’t feel comfortable giving someone advice that I can’t or don’t follow myself.

Wish me luck~

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